Navigating Compassion: 10 Things Not to Say to a Grieving ParentIntroduction

by Mimi Rothschild, Mother of 3 Sons in Heaven, Founder, Global Grief Institute

When a parent experiences the unimaginable loss of a child, it leaves a void that words can hardly fill. As friends, family, and acquaintances, it is natural to want to offer support during such a devastating time. However, there are certain phrases that, although well-intentioned, can inadvertently cause more pain to a grieving parent. In this article, we will explore ten things not to say to a grieving parent, providing insights into fostering understanding and compassion during their journey through grief.

1. "I Know How You Feel."

While it may be tempting to draw parallels with your own experiences of loss, each person's grief is unique. Saying you know how they feel can inadvertently diminish the parent's grief and emotions. Instead, offer empathy and a listening ear without comparing their loss to others.

1. "At Least They Lived a Good Life."

Minimizing the loss by highlighting the child's lifespan can be hurtful. Regardless of the child's age or circumstances, their death is an immense loss for the parent, and focusing on the positives may invalidate their grief.

1. "They're in a Better Place."

While meant to offer comfort, this phrase may not resonate with everyone and can be particularly challenging for parents grappling with their faith during their grief. It is better to offer simple expressions of sympathy and let the parent share their thoughts about the afterlife if they wish.

1. "Time Heals All Wounds."

Grieving parents need time to heal, but the pain of losing a child is enduring. Suggesting that time will erase their grief can be dismissive and insensitive. Instead, let them know you are there for them throughout their healing journey.

1. "You Should Be Strong for Your Other Children."

Expecting a parent to suppress their grief to support other children can be emotionally detrimental. Encourage them to express their emotions honestly and assure them that it's okay to grieve openly.

1. "You Can Always Have Another Child."

Implying that a new child can replace the one who passed away is extremely hurtful and dismissive of the parent's pain. Each child is unique and irreplaceable, and no other child can fill the void left by their passing.

1. "They're in a Better Place."

While meant to offer comfort, this phrase may not resonate with everyone and can be particularly challenging for parents grappling with their faith during their grief. It is better to offer simple expressions of sympathy and let the parent share their thoughts about the afterlife if they wish.

1. "It's Time to Move On."

Grieving is a deeply personal process that cannot be rushed. Encouraging a grieving parent to "move on" can be harmful and may lead to feelings of guilt for not being able to do so. Instead, offer patience and understanding as they navigate their grief.

1. "God Has a Plan."

Using religious platitudes to explain the loss can be distressing for parents who may be questioning their faith during their grief. It is better to offer comfort and support without attempting to justify the loss with religious explanations.

1. "They Are in a Better Place Now."

While meant to offer comfort, this phrase may not resonate with everyone and can be particularly challenging for parents grappling with their faith during their grief. It is better to offer simple expressions of sympathy and let the parent share their thoughts about the afterlife if they wish.

Conclusion

Supporting a grieving parent is an act of compassion and understanding. Being mindful of the words we use can significantly impact their healing journey. Instead of offering empty platitudes, let us provide a listening ear, empathy, and unconditional support. Grieving parents need space to express their emotions and memories without judgment. By being there for them, acknowledging their pain, and offering genuine compassion, we can help them navigate through grief and find solace in the love and memories they hold dear.