"When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless." ~ Byron Katie
After a horrendous grief incident acceptance of a new you - who and what you are here and now can be daunting and discouraging. Grief and loss experiences create a new lasting condition that make it impossible to go back to how it was before your grieving circumstance. The reality is that you can't turn back the clock of your life as if you were bringing back an old email you had saved. Authenticity has a way of pointing out the clarity of new conditions as they are. Acceptance of grief reality is a challenge usually not planned for or anticipated.
It is human nature to oppose change. Hanging on to happiness and hope after awful grief can be a bigger than life obstacle. Two big questions raise their ugly heads. WHAT & HOW?
What Shall I Do?
"Give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is, and allow yourself to be exactly as you are." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
Accept sorrow - really? Why should I want to accept my most sad conditions that grief and loss has given me? Because if you want to understand your grief and heal you simply must. Grief happenings invite other unwanted friends. You have likely realized that grief is accompanied by an avalanche of companions. Some of them are - deep sorrow, fear, hopelessness, clouded vision, uncertainty, and anger. Self-examination is a necessary action unless you wish to permanently hibernate hopelessly with your grief. Moving forward from grief and loss towards hope and healing may require you giving yourself permission to choose between two choices - continued grieving or acceptance of exactly as you are with hope for future happiness and wholeness. The acknowledged and undisputed invitation you should give yourself is to accept the grief incident exactly as it is and reconcile exactly what your new you and new condition really is and look toward a happier future.
In summary what shall you do is make every effort to stop opposing reality. Accept what is here and now and your healing actions will become more simple, fluid and empowering
How Shall I Do It?
Understanding the emotions associated with your grief is essential to your healing. It's important to remember the grieving period varies from person to person. It is also important to recognize that your grief clock keeps your correct grieving time.
Horrendous grief is complex. Understanding the complexities of your grief is essential as you travel along your grief rehabilitation journey. Your personal grief reconciliation is best accomplished as you gain insight and understanding about the complexity of your personal sorrow. Take time to ponder the steps you must take to understand your complex grief. Seek healing helps to lift yourself to a healthier happier place in your life. Talk with your caregiver, friend, partner or family member to better understand your heartache and how to find new purpose and happiness in your life. Repeated talking with someone about your complex grief can lead you to a better understanding of your personal sorrow and loss. Be patient, although you may not completely comprehend your complex sorrow, personal hope and peace can grow in your efforts to understand.
"You don't have to like it... it's just easier if you do." ~ Byron Katie
It is easy to talk about finding joy in life after sorrowful grief but talking about it and finding it are not the same. Your way of accepting responsibility to move beyond grief and loss may have a certain personal uniqueness but to make the most of your life and value your time is part of the how. Enjoy life and its gifts. Recognize the value of living in the moment. Believe in possibilities, beyond what you may see today. Seek healing solutions. Never give up. Count your blessings and make a list of them - small and big - they are all important. Look for new and different opportunities. Hunt for inspiration from all sources. Try to find every moment to bring happiness into your life. Pursue every instant you can enjoy. Make every effort you can to capture the WHAT & HOW to stop grieving and start healing and find new purpose. You can find joy and peace again!