The process of grief Grief may be a challenging, awkward, difficult and trying experience. Please
be patient with yourself and with others as you navigate these challenging, often stormy waters.You and others who are mourning with you are likely to be much more emotional than usual. Accept that this volatility is normal. It is actually helpful in releasing feelings that are natural at this difficult time.Be aware and be prepared to deal with waves of emotions in yourself and others. This is one of the more challenging aspects of grief. The first time or two that you experience a wave of relief, only to be followed before long by another wave of grief, may be very difficult to bear. The fact that you felt better for a while makes the following wave that much more painful in comparison. This is absolutely normal and expected in almost everyone who travels the road of grief and bereavement.Be gentle with yourself when this happens. It is very easy to fall into feeling guilty or angry with yourself for 'being weak' or to blame yourself for somehow failing to hold onto the better feelings you experience between the waves of feeling pain, sadness, loss and all the other feelings associated with grief. Helpful hints to ease your path through grief: • It is normal to feel you are functioning on fewer cylinders than usual. Allow yourself time for grieving. • Ask family and friends to help you. There may be times that you don't even feel like fixing a meal for yourself. • Let out whatever feelings emerge. The more deeply you can cry and release these feelings, the less likely they are to fester inside you and to return at a later time to plague you. • Be candid with those who are close to you and want to cheer you up.If you feel like accepting their invitations, do so; but do not hesitate to tell them if you'd rather be alone or would prefer to be near them but not do too much interacting.It is absolutely normal to be unpredictably emotional for several months following the death of someone close to you. While unpleasant for you and others, it is also normal to have your grief reaction emotions come outside ways – in irritation, annoyance or anger at others; in depression, self-deprecation, feeling sad and sorry for yourself; in guilts over things said to others and imagined slights from others; and in countless other creative ways that your unconscious mind engineers as ways to relieve you of your burdens of grief emotions.
Our anger stands in front of our love. Letting it out is part of the process of relinquishing it.The last thing you want to do – ever – is to buy into the insidious delusion that spiritual livesand spiritual relationships are always quiet, or always blissful. - Marianne Williamson
In most cases, this is not an indication that you have to take medications orgo for psychotherapy in order to be 'normal' again. As long as those aroundyou whom you trust can validate that your overall trend is one of improvements and resolutions of your emotional swings, confirming that your ups are increasingly up and your downs are decreasingly down, you're on your road to resolving your grief. Having said that, if you experience extremes of emotions that are seriously incapacitating and preventing you from carrying out your normal functions for a period of time exceeding several weeks – you may benefit from Grief Coaches and the support of a professional counselor. If a serious depression sets in, especially if you have been prone to depression previously, then a consultation for medications may be in order. Much more is shared below on possible problems experienced along the road to resolving your grief.
If you have suicidal thoughts
It is very common to have thoughts of wanting to rejoin those who died because we miss them so much, or to feel that life is not worth living without their presence. Such thoughts and longings may at times be rather strong.It is helpful to have people you feel comfortable calling if you begin to feel you might give in to such wishes. Just the process of talking through your feelings is often enough to relieve them considerably, if not to resolve them completely. If you have no one in your circle of family, friends or colleagues you feel can be supportive, you would be wise to locate and keep handy the phone number(s) of your local 24/7 phone help line(s). This is also a good backup to have – in case people you know personally are not available when
15 you need them. In the majority of cases, talking with someone will provide major relief for suicidal thinking.Keep in mind, as well, that such thoughts tend to increase during waves of deeper sadness, guilt and anger.
Grief Coaches can be enormously helpful in dealing with these feelings. However, if you are feeling overwhelmed and have no close family or friends to call, it is wise to identify your local emergency services and hot lines where there will also be someone on call 24/7. This is in any case a good backup to have, in case you find yourself in the depths of grief during late hours of the night.Your spiritual beliefs and practices, as well as your personal spiritual experiences may be helpful to you in these contexts. Knowing that suicide is not an optimal long-term solution to grief, and knowing that the spirit survives physical death can help you to work through these feelings.
Memory and the body and our grief are not regulated by the clock, the calendar, or the brain. Grief comes and goes when it is ready. - John Lee