We get many questions from young adults about love life dilemmas. So many of them fall into traps that could have been avoided with good guidance and advice. It leaves one wondering, “Didn’t their parents or mentors help them distinguish love life fantasies from reality?”
Sadly, many parents still don’t know the difference and as we explain below, it’s an easy mistake to make.
The good news is that you can make enormous progress in your love life by altering your perception and taking a new approach which we hope to help you do with this information.
After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, personality and compatibility assessment, including observing thousands of love relationships as a matchmaker and writing a book about soul mates, we’ve come to the following conclusions that will help you and your children avoid unnecessary and self-inflicted sorrow. Of course, sometimes kids won’t take your advice and will need to experience mistakes first hand in order to learn, but at least you may plant a seed.
Parents, please help your teen and young adult children become aware of the following love life tips. You may save them a lot of grief. Note: some of this information may completely conflict with your love life hopes and dreams. Even if you disagree with some or many of these tips, we encourage you to consider them as you observe your and others’ love lives. As harsh as some of them may sound, we’re merely relaying our findings and we’d rather have you be aware of them to lower your risk of heartache or worse.
1) Most people have embraced as reality, thanks in part to nearly everyone around them doing the same, love life fairy-tales perpetuated by romantic songs, movies, and TV shows. Every so often a romantic fairy-tale occurs (and lasts) in real life, such as an unusually rewarding love connection, but it’s certainly not the norm and it’s best to remind yourself, especially when first smitten by a new love interest, that it is only one possible outcome. When you accept that each relationship is for a different reason, one that is not always obvious at first, it’s easier to enjoy the individual fruits of each and you won’t be disappointed due to unrealistic expectations.
2) Make your education and career your number one priority and follow your passions and talents when you’re young. If you spend all your time and energy on a relationship, especially one that is rocky because you don’t yet know yourself well or what works for you, you may regret it when you are 40 or 50 and struggling with your career and, or finances. For now, think of your love life as a side dish that compliments the rest of your life rather than the main course.
3) Avoid assuming someone is “the love of your life.” You won’t know who that is until the last day of your life.
4) Acknowledge the myth of the “one and only soul mate.” Everyone has many, and most are not compatible enough for a harmonious, life-long relationship. Also, there’s no such thing as a “twin soul” or your “other half.” You are complete and whole on your own, even if you don’t realize it yet.
5) Try to avoid putting pressure on yourself to be married by a certain age, or giving too much thought to missed opportunities or “the one who got away.” It’s an all too common trap to project dreams and fantasies onto someone you don’t know or can’t have and it may very well be that a relationship with that person wouldn’t have been favorable for you anyway.
You have free will to pursue your love life goals, but trying to control the outcome too much will just add more stress to your already hectic everyday life. Our findings indicate that everyone meets who they are meant to meet, when they are meant to meet them, and it will last for as long as it’s meant to, so try to relax and perceive each situation in a positive light, even when it doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped.
6) Don’t wait for the chemistry to magically appear. It’s either there between two people, or it’s not. If it’s not or if it’s a troubling connection, move on. Don’t be afraid to be single; it’s better than wasting time with someone who isn’t good for you.
7) Don’t hang on to a relationship that has ended or just wasn’t meant to be. Accept that it’s over, let go and move on or you’ll block other, more compatible, future relationships.