10 Commandments for Healing Grief & Loss

By Duane Marchant  

I. After a weighty grief happening you may feel like you may feel like there is a dark, heavy, penetrating fog all around you. You may feel like you are riding a grief merry-go-round that goes up and down, round and round. The monotonous music continues to play and it never stops. You feel like you are unable to get off this obnoxious ride. You may wonder what you did to deserve this experience - It was never part of your plan. You may feel like life is unfair. Even so, permanent hibernation with your sorrow and loss and continuing to grieve is not the results desired.

Only after acknowledgment of your condition and determination to understand your grief and find new purpose and stop grieving and start healing can you expect happiness and joy again.

"PROBLEMS are not stop signs; they are GUIDELINES." ~Robert H. Schuller

A treasured truth I value: Over the years my life's happenstances have underscored a vital clarity. I have learned an essential personal truth: As I have experienced failures and successes - professionally, personally and physically - I have learned that until I commit, I am hesitant; there is a chance I will draw back and be ineffective. Nonetheless, the moment I absolutely commit, expectations also move. All sorts of things occur; a stream of assistance and helpful happenings, which I couldn't have imagined, have come to me. Possibilities and opportunities appear, often unforeseen until I commit to act. Then I experience new personal empowerment to develop new habits that support me in new special desired efforts. I am enabled to choose to be willing to grow and evolve professionally, personally and physically. This commitment concept has been proven to me time and time again, and so indelibly stamped into my mind, that I believe it is a true principle for individual support and growth. And attitude of heal I will and heal I can should be always present. As you experience life - making your life fuller and happier should always be a high priority. Healing your grief and finding new peace and hope is an essential part of your life choices. II. "You Shall Not Make For Yourself Obstacles." "Only when life is difficult, are we challenged to become our greatest selves." ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fall six times then stand up a seventh time so you don't let a slip or a fall become a permanent obstacle. On occasion in your attempts to reconcile your loss and sorrow you may feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back. Keep trying! Discouragement, lack of clarity and confusion are often companions wishing to join with you at the time of your deepest grief. Seek all solutions to transform your grieving heart into healing steps. Obstacles are created in your mind. So are opportunities and possibilities to make your life more whole and hopeful.

III. "You shall not blame God." Blaming God, others and circumstances is a useless exercise. When grief comes into your life you may wish you could skip the experience of passing through grief. While it is unpleasant as emotions of grief, sorrow and loss rise to the surface, you must honor yourself enough to make space for your deep feelings. It is only by passing through your grief that you can eventually get beyond it and find a greater new peace. Life simply happens. Blame is not helpful in your healing and really accomplishes nothing beneficial.

IV. "Remember Each Day As A Blessed Day" Understanding the complexities of your grief is essential as you travel along your grief rehabilitation journey. Your personal grief reconciliation is best accomplished as you gain insight and understanding about the complexity of your personal sorrow. You should feel no shame in admitting your grief. There is no disgrace in not fully understanding the complexity of your grief. Grief is complex and can be confusing and certainly difficult to understand the forces of grief. At your darkest hour of grief is the time to remember all your blessings. Being grateful for all things can bless your day. Count your many blessing one by one. It is your positive personal thoughts that bless each day.

V. "Honor Yourself." That your days may be blessed respect the fact that you have reason to mourn because of the grief happening in your life. It is essential you respect and honor your grieving circumstance. Don't compare your grief with someone else's grief. Your loss is personal and unique. Remember you are deserving of your own compassion and kindness. Just as you would comfort and support someone who is struggling with a difficult time in their life, believe you deserve this kindness and gentleness as well. Consider how you might comfort someone who is in the middle of a significant grief healing journey. What kindness could you show them? What kind and loving words might you say to help them? How might you model this to help yourself? In your grief journal/diary write at least 5 ways you will show kindness, care, and gentleness to yourself. Do at least one if these today. Take all five kindness steps soon!

VI. "You Shall Not Slumber Away Discovery of All Possibilities." The challenge for you is to understand all future possibilities in front of you. A better understanding of your grief and loss experience can enable you to find solutions so you can begin to heal your sorrow. The period of grief and sorrow is a must-do action time to seek and discover all possibility healing opportunity steps.

VII. "You Shall Not Commit Useless Worry." Binding your mind to wanting your old life back is an effort in futility and pointless. Be honest, after horrendous grief you can't have your old life back exactly like it was. Worrying about the past is not obligatory nor compulsory. Neither is worrying about the unknown future beneficial. Thinking about what you can control is far more beneficial.

VIII. "You Shall Not Steal Life's Precious Moments From Self." Even after a lasting grief experience there are many moments that can be precious. Some let their grief and loss steal away valuable moments of happiness. The healing is in reconciling your sorrow - making lemonade out of sour lemons. Dwelling on the negative by-passes your path to happiness. Seek all of life's precious moments energetically and consistently.

IX. "You Shall Not Bear False Witness Against Hope & Happiness." Thinking you can't overcome your grieving is self- defeating and slows down hopeful energy. Thinking or saying you can't is a detour you never wish to consider. Never consider the word "can't" - it should not be part of your thought process. You can if you will! Arising, from the bed of terrible grief & loss as you awaken from awful sorrow and nurture new hope & joy, is essential to your healing. Find ways to have more hope and happiness. Seek them vigorously and constantly.

X. "You Shall Not Covet A New Life." Longing for things to be different after unwanted grief experiences come into your life is only a first step on your happiness recovery journey. Redirecting you wishes and thoughts on what you can do is essential to your healing. "Today, when the winds of adversity blow strong, redirect their force into the service of your highest intention." ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

After grief you are a new you with many opportunities and possibilities available. Don't waste efforts craving and hoping life to be different. Work on seizing every moment and capture your own happiness. Take action steps to carve out your own happy wholesome life. Actions speak louder than wishing or coveting. Would you like to find solutions to better understand and heal your grief and loss? Is it your sincere desire to Stop Grieving and Start Healing? Do you want to learn how to recover from your anguish and sorrow and Reclaim Happiness & Joy? You can discover the top 7 Grief Relief Strategies to move beyond your grief and loss. Click on: http://www.griefreliefacademy.com/ and get your FREE 7-day audio e course - a ($97 value). Duane Marchant is a Grief Relief Specialist who supports men and women throughout the world. He is an author, grief healing speaker, coach, amputee, caregiver, and founder of Grief Relief Academy. He has walked his own grief path and believes life is precious and dedicates his time to helping all who sorrow - stop grieving & start healing. Duane has an unwavering belief that there is hope and peace beyond even the most profound and painful experiences of life.